Last night some 38 million people crowded into Gambay's
Stadium for the WCE's first Pro title fight. WCE Film Appreciation
Society President Harry Moore, a survivor of 28,269 attempts upon his life and limb, challenged his arch-antagonist, Quentin Tarantino to the fight.
Flashbulbs popped and the crowd shrieked tumultously as the contestants entered the arena. Tarantino strode through the throng, accompanied by his seconds -
Michael Keaton, Samuel L.Jackson, Bridget Fonda, John Travolta, Bruce Willis,
Elijah Wood, Robert De Niro, and Harvey Keitel.
An unperturbed Harry Moore entered with his mentors, Andis Kaulins, and Hans Klingner. In the floodlit ring, WCE public official Kennesaw "Hui Shan" Landis performed the roles of announcer and referee.
Proceedings were delayed momentarily when legendary promoter Don King, apparently searching for his hair apparent, stumbled into the ring, but King was hastily ushered-out by the unflabbable "Hui Shan".
A hush fell in the arena as Landis took up the microphone. "In the blue corner,
from Brisbane, Australia, H-a-r-r-y M-O-O-R-E!!". "In the red corner, from Culver City, California, Q-u-e-n-t-i-n The Inglorious Basterd
T-A-R-A-N-T-I-N-O!!!". Mayhem eruped in the stands.
Wonder Woman, wearing a gold tiara, paraded around the ring carrying the 'Round One' sign.
Landis called both fighters together for the obligatory briefing. "No low-blows,
no bad language. Wait for the bell, and come out fightin'!", Landis instructed.
With a good-luck slap on the back from Andis Kaulins, Harry Moore immediately went on the offensive. "Name the first assistant director of Rain Man?", Moore thudded. Tarantino, dancing like the pro that he is, countered with "who composed the musical score for Angels With Dirty Faces?".
Both men bobbed and weaved, amidst a flurry of the most challenging, and bruising, movie-expert questions ever thrown. "How many steps are visible in 'Battleship Potemkin', and on what date, and time!, was Eisenstein born?" jabbed Moore.
Tarantino feinted, then hooked with a "in which studio did Hitchcock direct Rear Window? Name the best-boy, and the gaffer, on 'Once Upon A Time In America'?!!".
With the crowd on their feet, both fighters came back at each other, again and again. Moore, sensing that Tarantino was weak in the musical genre, exploded with a rapid-fire "recite-the-lyrics-of-'On-the-Street-Where-You-Live'?!".
Recovering from the ropes, Tarantino fought back with his dreaded uppercut
"and what was the plate-number of that yellow cab?". The crowd drew-in a collective
gasp at this display of pugilistic film-know-it-allness. Nobody drew a breath. Would Moore react with a welter of Charlie Chaplin, Tom Cruise, Barbra Streisand, Goddart,
Preminger, Disney or Lucas?
Pandemonium broke-out in the Stadium when Harry Moore delivered a brilliant one-two combo "Scorsese, or Brando?!!".
Nine jaw-breaking hook, cross, rabbit-punching rounds later, the judges placed BOTH contestants on equal points! With the ring jammed with coaches, masseuses, sponge-carriers, physiotherapists, and spectators, both contestants
announced that they'd fight a re-match next month.
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